DREAM : 20 Feb 2013

I texted you with the intention to return your jacket back. Its been with me for quite a while and since we're not together anymore, there's no point for me keep it. I believe you said yes.

I wore your jacket and went to the beach where i'm suppose to meet you. It really tore my heart apart flashing our memories in Pangkor in my head. I ran towards the beach. Closer and closer then i felt waves at my feet. but i keep going, further and further in. Your jacket was soak with sea water.

I walk up to the shore back, realizing that you'll be here anytime. I took of your jacket and put in in a small plastic bag.

I thought i will meet you instead I met your mom. I just smile and give your jacket back to your mom. Few moments later you showed up. I was hoping to talk to you but instead I froze.

......Awake.....

I honestly don't know why you appear in my dreams again but you definitely on my mind these past few days. I miss you, I do and it break me apart noticing you're doing just fine without me through the FID whatsapp group. You was talking about your work and what you cook and I wish you tell me that to me everyday. But its over, and I don't think we will ever be together again.

You once said this to me

"Its not that I want to end it... But the way we are now and we're not even that far from each other make me think about it. Even if we end it... It doesn't meant that I won't go back to you... Even the slightest chance open i will go back to you in a heart beat..."

But you didn't. I don't even know if i should wait because deep inside i'm dead. You took my life away and nobody can ever restore it. I will be going away. Far from here where you can't find me. The scar will be there, but at least i'm far from everything that keeping me back. Hopefully time will heals me. Hopefully.

Lots of Love
Lisa Viour

HEART : The feeling

I still remember the feeling of your right hand under my neck and your left hand wrapped around my waist,

my head at your chest and you held me tight,

You kiss my hair from behind and you'll say something nice about me whenever i feel insecure about myself,

You make me feel better about myself.

You tried so hard,

forcing yourself to talk to me all night long to keep me company until I fell asleep.

And you kiss my hair again.

Your heartbeat,

Was so calm that I enjoyed listening to it so much.

Your heartbeat became my sleeping music that I wish I could listen to it every night,

Lastly, I fell asleep to your heartbeat.

Hard to help believe

But

The feeling is still there.

Every single night.

When I close my eyes and try to sleep

I can feel your left hand slide on my waist and hold me from behind.

Your right hand under my neck and you hug me tight.

You kiss my hair,

You said you love me,

I feel calm and safe around your arms,

And you force yourself talk all night long to keep me company until I fell asleep.

Lots of Love
Lisa Viour