DREAM : I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS ABOUT

I cycle to the place. I was with a bunch of my friends hanging out a a place I'm not sure where. At first it seem like a waterfall but towards the end it became clear to me that's it was at kgpa. We were talking about stuff that i dont remember while packing some food for charity works until i saw you walking towards me. You were wearing black button down and you didn't tuck your shirt in.

"Hello" you said as you approached us.

How are you? he continued

I turn around to you while still being besitted. Im good. I said and immediately turn back to the front. My friends were shock. They seem to know you pretty well.  Good,  I'm gonna complete a round of golf because i have meetings coming up soon.

Okay. I said.

I renege watching your back as u unpack your stuff from your bag i don't remember seeing when you came. Flashes of stuff came running to my head like, how's your rehab,  how have you been doing.

We understand. The other girl said.

I'm okay. It's just a lil awkward.

Maybe you should go and talk. Who knows it can blossom again.

To be with him again?  We will never gonna go back together.

Why?

He hated me.

Maybe he thinks you're just one unconfident girl who think you look far from neat.  She said as she walk towards you. They all sat around you while i stand behind one girl. The girl who sit beside you spray the girl irony of me with water and then me. I was soaked with water and you just laugh there.

Memory lost

HEART : Where does the heart belong?

A lil too much pressure on me now. I have to say I dont have the heart for architecture anymore. I dont know what to do. I cant tell mama I want to stop architecture. I have to fight till the end. Infact I am aware that my performance has gone down badly. I really should start my golf back. I have to commit to what I have started. I have start gym, and I have to say I love the soreness I feel all over my body and Im getting so addicted to it. But, I can't commit to architecture when I know my heart and my head is somewhere else. I don't know where it is but it is somewhere out there. I never thought it could be this hard. I've lost so much interest in architecture that I don't know what should I do anymore.

Not to mention, I have been losing so much of my appetite now that I eat so little daily. So little that I have started to keep my food journal so I know how much food I consume daily and from my observation from the past few days, very less. Lesser that what I should eat daily.

Things go up, things go down. Maybe its a down hill for me now but who knows if i keep on perseverance, maybe I'll get my up very soon..

One fine day..

Keep on the perseverance..

Lots of Love
Lisa Viour

HEART : RHYME

You know people say never go back to the person who break you,

They nailed it.

Yea true, but some poeple deserve few chances.

Not when they alr got it MULTIPLE times,

Its up to you. You're the one whos deciding it. To leave or to stay with that person you know.

And I've decided to put on the guard still.

Sometimes you gotta take the risk,

Not worth the risk when you know you gonna fall into the same pit again,

Well, sometimes you gotta keep trying,

And DIE from internal Injuries? No thanks.

*Conversation with Iqa that I can't help but to put it here.

.........................

Lots of Love
Lisa Viour

HEART : AMNESIA

I can't help it but to start typing eventhough I know for a fact I have tons of works calling me now.

Its funny how when I was a a teenager I always wish I'll wake up with amnesia so that I wouldn't feel all the pain and the heartache I felt growing up. Not that Im saying Im not a teenager now. But I genuinely feel like an adult eventhough I still am a teenager. The way I think, the feelings I feel, the way I talks and even the way I act. I've grown up so much since the last time I remember myself. 

It's true than, experiences is the best teacher you will ever have in your whole life. 

Yea, I still have the same wish sometimes when the pain I feel are unbearable. 

Too much that I thought of taking anti-depressant pills, 

too much that I just break down alone under the blanket,

 too much that I won't eat for couple days. 

I still couldn't believe how 5SOS can portray my thought so perfectly that I couldn't help but to listen to it all day and night. It's so perfect that I feel like myself again. 

The me that build walls around my heart.

The me that pour all my thought into this deary blog,

The me that don't smile as much. 

and 

The me that love to be by myself in a quite night and just think. 

Just think no matter what is it, just think and write. 

Just because thinking and writing make me calm. 

Calm as the drizzling rain.

................................................

Lots of Love 

LIsa Viour

HEART : SOUL

Just when I thought I finally get up,

Something always pull me down again. Infact lower than when I was before.

It get deeper each time that finally I lost count on how deep I have fell.

Too far to reach for a helping hand,

Too deep to hear my scream for help,

Too dark to see my crying heart.

.................

I'm broken at impact,

Shattered to pieces,

Too impatient to fix,

Too fragile to hold,

Too tiny to search.

..................

Im lost in my own journey to get up.

The bruise at the start have become a huge lump of blood clot.

Too late to treat,

Too late to save,

Too late to say goodbye.

Lots of Love,
Lisa Viour

HEART : When I'm With You

When I'm with you,

I'll make every second count,

Because I miss you,

Whenever you're not around,

When I kiss you,

I still get butterflies years from now,

I'll make every second count,

Because I miss you.

When I'm with you - Faber Drive

Lots of Love
Lisa Viour

HEART : Second Chance

"Second Chance"

I found the phone
I must’ve missed your message
You got it wrong, It wasn’t what your friend said.
I can tell by your tone, I’ve taken it too far again.
Just when I thought I'd gone and fixed it all again.

Your friends are telling you, You gotta move on.
Just when I thought I'd gone and wrecked it all again.
You turned around so I could tell you what took so long.
I don’t know why i ever waited to say.
'cause I’m just dying just to see you again .

Instead of holding you, I was holding out.
I should’ve let you in, but I let you down.
You were the first to give ,I was the first to ask.
Now I’m in second place, to get a second chance.

I should've known, took you and I for granted
Gotta let you know, I was never underhanded.
Tell by your tone, I’ve taken it too far again.
Just when I thought I'd gone and fixed it all again.

My friends are telling me they saw you with someone.
Just when I thought I'd gone and wrecked it all again.
You turned around so I could tell you what took so long.
I don’t know why i ever waited to say.
'cause I’m just dying just to see you again .

Instead of holding you, I was holding out.
I should’ve let you in, but I let you down.
You were the first to give, I was the first to ask.
Now I’m in second place, to get a second chance.

My last mistake, putting my friends first.
I tried to laugh it off but I made things worse.
You were the first to give, I was the first to ask.
Now I’m in second place, to get a second chance.

What you give is always what you get.
There's so much I haven't given yet.
If you could give another second chance.
Just when I thought I'd gone and fixed it all again.

My friends are telling me they saw you with someone.
Just when I thought I'd gone and wrecked it all again.
You turned around so I could tell you what took so long.
I don’t know why I ever waited to say.
'cause I’m just dying just to see you again .

Instead of holding you, I was holding out.
I should’ve let you in, but I let you down.
You were the first to give, I was the first to ask.
Now I’m in second place, to get a second chance.

My last mistake, putting my friends first.
I tried to laugh it off but I made things worse.
You were the first to give I was the first to ask.
Now I’m in second place to get a second chance.

Instead of holding you, I was holding out?
I should’ve let you in, but I let you down
You were the first to give, I was the first to ask?
Now I’m in second place, to get a second chance.

Lots Of Love,
Lisa Viour

HEART : I'm LOST

I used to say tears is a sign of happiness. But I never thought tears could live up the feelings that already died. I never thought tears can be either a shield or a weapon. I've tried my very best to pull myself away from you. But the more I tried, the stronger our memories stay in my mind. I'm losing my mind, I'm losing. To you. I've tried every possible ways for me to just get you off my mind, instead my feeling for you get stronger each day. 

I'm LOST. 

In my journey of recovering from you.

I'm LOST.

In my emotions of me and you.

I'm LOST 

 In my thought we used to shared. 

I'm LOST. 

In my world where you used to be in. 

I'm LOST.

In my dreams where your face smiling used to be in it every night.

I'm LOST.

In the world I'm trying to run away from.

I'm LOST.

In the mission of starting anew.

I'm LOST.

In tears that used to be laughter. 

I'm LOST. 

In the process of letting go. 

I'm LOST.

In the feeling of your warm hugs and kisses

I'm LOST.

In the search of a new FARIZ FIDRAUS.

Lots of Love, 

Lisa Viour

HEART : Chain Reaction

Ive done too many mistakes in my life and I cant seem to break the chain reaction. I do not wish to correct my mistakes. All I want is for me to start making the right decisions and I cant make my one and only decisions I wish I made from the start because im not ready. The things that have been holding me back have took it tolls on me for too long and I do not wish to go on like this. All I want to do is set my life in a right path again and I cant seem to start doing so.  I dont know if I wait for a longer time, will I be able to let go and move on at all. I wish I didn't know you. I wish I didn't start replying you and I wish I didnt make all the stupid mistakes I've made with you because I wont be facing what I'm facing now if it wasn't because of our breakup. My life turns upside down and I cant seem to put it back on track. I cant understand how and why we broke up on the first place. I dont understand why and how you can moved on so fast and im still stuck in my own emotions and thought. In my own bubble fills with our sweet bitter memories. All I want is for me to go back to the place I love the most but with you being there, with our memories being there, I cant. I tried my best to start anew and just forget all the things we've been through but I didnt seem to work. Ive thought of getting back together with you a million times. Never a day of life went through without the thought of us getting back together not in my mind. But the question is, would you want to get back together with me. You wouldnt understand how hard my life have been since the day we broke up. You wouldnt understand how badly I want to run away from here and leave all the thoughts behind and start anew in a foreign city, people and just start anew as us NEVER happen. But every plans ive made never workout instead without my will I keep on going back to the point I started. No matter how hard I tried, it never workout. Why does it have to be so hard on me and so easy for you. This is not fair at all. I gave my all and I got a very shitty chain to the things ive done previously and I cant seem to break the chain at all. Am I the only one who feel this or youre feeling the same way as I do? I doubt you feel the same way as I do. I doubt you have the same thought as I do. Because from the start, im the only one who always wish you to be mine again.

Lots of Love
Lisa Viour

HEART : I'm never getting you back

Flashes of thousands memories float through my mind. If I could rewind the moments, I wouldn't change anything about you. But, I have thousands and thousands of things that I want to change about me. We are both humans and both of us are not perfect. But you are so much better than me, thought me something I wish I can do since as long as I can remember. Encourage and support me to pursue what I want to be. Always there around me to catch me if I slip, to lend me your shoulder to rest on, to wipe my tears wish your warm palms, to always remind me how much you love me by leaving love notes in my phone.

We're ladies always so blind to see what's infront of us and chase something we can never put our hands on. We ladies always judge a person on the outlook instead of what's inside and we ladies always compare ourselves and what we have to the person we didn't even know. Because we rush into things, always listen to what others says and always think that you know everything but you certainly not.

You once said to me

"Im gonna love you till my last breath"

you once said,

"Im gonna marry you someday"

You once said,

"If you cut open my heart, It will spell out nuralissa"

.........................

Do you even still love me?

Are you still gonna marry me someday?

Does your blood will still spell out Nuralissa?

The hope you gave me is gone,

The hope you once gave me that keep me going.

and now its gone.

............

Will I ever get my hope back?

You tell me.


Lots of Love
Lisa Viour

HEART : Emotionally drain.

Moving on  does not always easy. Some people might find it a piece of cake but some might feel like a millennium years just to move an inch more or less from where they were.

but, when your heart finally fall for someone, does not mean the memories and the story just fly in the wind and gone. It won't feel the same even though breaking up and getting back up is a part of life process.  Especially when your crush friends or maybe friend know your dark story. 

It is hard. But it gets harder when you can't have what you want. A crush doesn't always mean you can have them. He might not feel the same way as you do and it will hurt you even more when he fall for someone else. 

The life that you thought you might have back crush to the deepest part of the earth. You sink in your own tears and emotions. Climbing back up is never an easy task especially when your mind says move on and your heart still cling to the emotion. 

No more butterfly in your stomach, only ache in your heart.

When you thought you already get your life on track, you just sink even deeper into the hole you emotionally created and the worst part, it pull you back from your life and you cant figure anything out.

You don't know what to do, you don't know how to sort things out and you just can't make any fucking decision. If it really this hard, why no one ever tell me not to fall in love before?

But, am I really in love or I just can't face the fact that I got dumped. The fact that I don't get what i want. The fact that he do even better without me. The fact that I screw up. The fact that my ego just can't coop with it. The fact that, he win and I lose.

What does getting what I want even mean ? I never know. Everything seem off to me. But few things I'm certain of.

It hurt me to see you're doing fine without me. It hurt me to think that you already get your life back on track and I'm still not. It hurt to me think that I have a crush on someone that can help me to move on from you and he doesn't even know me that well. The fact that I don't stand not even 0.99% possibility of having him or you back.

Is killing me slowly inside.

Just because,

I ALWAYS GET WHAT I WANT


Lots of Love
Lisa Viour

HEART : Running

What does being someone else to fit in benefits ourselves ?

What if you already done it and there's no turning back.

You keep on thinking about it even though you tell yourself not too,

But the more you try to not think about it,

The more it run in your mind.

But, there's nothing else you can do,

Other than letting it run in your mind till it finally give you a break,

But a break is called a break for a reason,

You know you can't run away from reality,

But you also know you can't run away from the past.

It either haunt you or teach you

Either way, there's no escape from it

Lots of Love
Lisa Viour

HEART : Expression

The loneliest person are the kindest,

The saddest people have the brightest smile,

The most damaged people are the wisest,

And they said its all because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do.

so which one am I ?

I wonder.

I also wonder why am I still blogging even though I know very little people read my blog,

I found my answer and I couldn't be happier.

I know for a fact I'm not good at a lot of things. One things I'm not good at is expressing myself verbally which can be pain in the ass. The feeling when you want to say something so badly but you can't simply because you're scared is just awful.



I can't keep it to myself forever. There's a limit to everything. Even the deepest hole have a base. We are human. We have the needs to express our feelings. We have the needs to express our thoughts. But when I can't express it verbally, I just have to find other way to do so. Some people express themselves through art, songs, lyrics, melody, dancing but for me I prefer writing,

I may sounds like I'm the most depress person in the world trust me I'm not. I try to be the happiest person to the people around me. So hopefully they don't need to go through what I went through. At least not with me. Someday, somewhere, someone might have a different view of life after he/she accidentally found my blog. Someday, maybe I help someone through this blog without even me realizing it.

I may not get back what I give but I'm happy to know I've done my all on the least things I could do for the people around me.

I'm not an angel nor god, I'm just a normal human being. I can't grant people their wishes. I can't give whatever they want. I can't. Again, I'm just a normal human being. But being able to put a smile on someone's face will make me have a smile on mine. I'm telling you it feel great.

There's time when I'm sad, there's time when I'm depress and there's time when I'm hurt.

But I don't want to hide behind my sadness or depression. It's just another part of the story in my life stories. In YOUR life stories. Let it out. Somehow, someway, you will find your courage to do so. There's always a way for you to do so. The most important thing is what ever you do, make sure it makes you happy. Make sure it will makes you a better person.



"Don't mask your pain and tears with laughter. cry now so you can have a much more enjoyable, honest and healthier laugh later."


Lots of Love
Lisa Viour

HEART : Trust, Believe and Stories

Well tbh I don't really know what to write now. Kinda go along with heart I guess. That's how I usually write. But I can promise you one thing, when I write my thought, It will keep pounding in my head until I finish it. Honestly, based on my opinion anything comes from heart have meaningful meaning to it. There's always stories behind it. Like a story in a story, decoding another story by going deeper into a story. Not just the base story. Okay, too much stories there. As for me, when I'm writing I'll try to be 100% honest.

I mean I can't be 100% honest. Even the most honest person on earth have secrets. Everybody have secrets you all. That's human nature.

I wonder, can one person fulfill every promises they made without once they didn't fulfill the promises.People said,

"Promises are meant to be broken"





If so, why they make promises at the first place. Wouldn't it be hurtful to the person who they made promises when they didn't fulfill it.

Trust is the key to promises. Because promises only happen when one believe and hold to the words. For someone to do that, one need to trust the person who make the promises.

"Trust is like broken glass, once it gets broken you can try your best to glue it back together but no matter you do, it will never be the same again."

If trust is so fragile, why does one give their trust away so easily?

And I will never know how far can a person go to break a person. Didn't they realize how much damage can they do to the poor soul who trust them.

One said,

Promises are dreams and dreams become memories.

It is true.

But

It can either be a good ending or a bad ending.

I can assure you one things, they all start from promises.

If the promises are fulfill, dreams comes true and sweet memories is definitely the memories you don't want to forget.

Vice Versa





What happen to the promises after it was broken? What happen to the person who make the promises? Lastly,  what happen to the person who is holding to it?





Everyone have stories behind it, and one will always have a never ending stories behind who they really are.

That's just how human works. That's just how we work




Lots of Love
Lisa Viour

HEART : Regrets

I live with too many regrets,

Regret going to Taylor's

Regret that I stopped golf last year

Regret that I didn't do research on about going to USA earlier.

and hell lots of things.

But,

Ive read an articles and I definitely do not want any regret anymore.

top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed

This article presents a series of regrets that many people experience of their deathbed. It’s an interesting source of perspective for many of us who are moving into new phases of our adult lives.



Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. “When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently,” she says, “common themes surfaced again and again.”

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Credits : http://www.seenox.com/2014/02/14/nurse-reveals-top-5-regrets-people-make-deathbed/

Lots of Love 
Lisa Viour

HEART : Competition

I look around, 

and I look at the people around me. 

I wonder what is in their mind, 

How can they be so good ?

How much pain have they been through ?

And did I suffer enough to be at their level. 

But then I realized something what people always miss, 

Everyone is struggling, 

As I'm struggling to be fight the people who are better than me, 

They are fighting to be a better person than who they are now. 

Better then their competitors, 

As for whoever on the top, 

They are not as safe as they thought, 

There will always someone chasing them from behind, 

But most importantly, 

They can never stop competing with themselves, 

Competing to stay on top. 

Competing to be the best. 

Or someone might cut them off. 

And too bad, I'm gonna be the one cutting you off. 

Lots Of Love

Lisa Viour

HEART : Never Enough

When I work,

And work,

But I failed,

I tell yourself, "Its okay, practice harder, work harder than before"

So I try harder,

Spent so much time and effort into it,

But it still seems like its not enough.

Helpless but still go on,

For the people around me,

And most importantly to myself,

The people around me is what keep me going,

The people around me is what keep me working,

They are my spirit, my cheers, my support and my strength.

But one day,

They leave,

They give up,

They let me go alone.

And I'm confuse but not yet give up.

But it seems like I'm never good enough for them,

No matter how hard I try.

And I start questioning myself,

"Should I continue ?"

Lots Of Love

Lisa Viour

DREAM : 20 Feb 2013

I texted you with the intention to return your jacket back. Its been with me for quite a while and since we're not together anymore, there's no point for me keep it. I believe you said yes.

I wore your jacket and went to the beach where i'm suppose to meet you. It really tore my heart apart flashing our memories in Pangkor in my head. I ran towards the beach. Closer and closer then i felt waves at my feet. but i keep going, further and further in. Your jacket was soak with sea water.

I walk up to the shore back, realizing that you'll be here anytime. I took of your jacket and put in in a small plastic bag.

I thought i will meet you instead I met your mom. I just smile and give your jacket back to your mom. Few moments later you showed up. I was hoping to talk to you but instead I froze.

......Awake.....

I honestly don't know why you appear in my dreams again but you definitely on my mind these past few days. I miss you, I do and it break me apart noticing you're doing just fine without me through the FID whatsapp group. You was talking about your work and what you cook and I wish you tell me that to me everyday. But its over, and I don't think we will ever be together again.

You once said this to me

"Its not that I want to end it... But the way we are now and we're not even that far from each other make me think about it. Even if we end it... It doesn't meant that I won't go back to you... Even the slightest chance open i will go back to you in a heart beat..."

But you didn't. I don't even know if i should wait because deep inside i'm dead. You took my life away and nobody can ever restore it. I will be going away. Far from here where you can't find me. The scar will be there, but at least i'm far from everything that keeping me back. Hopefully time will heals me. Hopefully.

Lots of Love
Lisa Viour

HEART : The feeling

I still remember the feeling of your right hand under my neck and your left hand wrapped around my waist,

my head at your chest and you held me tight,

You kiss my hair from behind and you'll say something nice about me whenever i feel insecure about myself,

You make me feel better about myself.

You tried so hard,

forcing yourself to talk to me all night long to keep me company until I fell asleep.

And you kiss my hair again.

Your heartbeat,

Was so calm that I enjoyed listening to it so much.

Your heartbeat became my sleeping music that I wish I could listen to it every night,

Lastly, I fell asleep to your heartbeat.

Hard to help believe

But

The feeling is still there.

Every single night.

When I close my eyes and try to sleep

I can feel your left hand slide on my waist and hold me from behind.

Your right hand under my neck and you hug me tight.

You kiss my hair,

You said you love me,

I feel calm and safe around your arms,

And you force yourself talk all night long to keep me company until I fell asleep.

Lots of Love
Lisa Viour

HEART : Still dont know why

You take the clothes off my back
And I let you
You'd steal the food right out my mouth
And I'd watch you eat it
I still don't know why
Why I love you so much
Oh

You curse my name
In spite to put me to shame
Have my laundry in the streets
Dirty or clean
Give it up for fame
But I still don't know why
Why I love it so much
Yeah

And baby
It's amazing I'm in this maze with you
I just can't crack your code
One day you screaming you love me loud
The next day you're so cold
One day you're here, one day you're there, one day you care
You're so unfair sipping from your

......................

I did all that and you still love me,

And I took you for granted.

I just felt very insecure with our relationship and now its over,

The thing that im scared of happened.

What else can I save?

Maybe when I realized you really love, it was too late.

I tried,  I tried to save us.

I tried my very best.

But it hurt me more than ever.

Its over, I got nothing left to save.

You took half of me away with you,

And you took my heart with you.

And im so broken hearted.

...............

When youre there for me,

I feel like I dont need you,

I don't want you.

But when you left,

I feel like I have a hole in me.

Because you own a very special place in my heart.

Youre a curse to me.

I dont even know if I can ever recover from this.

Because we have too much memories.

Too much history.

..............

The ring, I'll keep it.

I'll give it to the girl myself.

Lots of Love
Lisa Viour

HEART : Let her go

Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you’re missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go

Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast

You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies

Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast

Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
'Cause you loved her too much
And you dived too deep

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go

- Let her go lyrics -

Lots of Love
Lisa Viour

HEART : Say Something

Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'll be the one, if you want me to
Anywhere, I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all

And I will stumble and fall
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl

Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
Anywhere, I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye

Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
And anywhere, I would have followed you
Oh-oh-oh-oh say something, I'm giving up on you

Say something, I'm giving up on you
Say something

Lots of Love
Lisa Viour

HEART : Wish

Let's break up,

That is my wish,

Even if we sat closer to each other,

We were distance strangers,

Don't be sorry,

Because its something I didn't know.

You once said you'll give me anything in this world,

Grant my one and only last wish from you,

Don't look back at me,

Don't look back at me who's crying,

You have to lives better than me,

You have to,

Don't ever forget,

Our memories.

Lots of Love
Lisa Viour

The cycle

Depending on someone

|

Expectations

|

Disappointment

|

Lose hope

Note to myself : no matter how heavy the weight is, never ever depends on others. The higher the expectations, the harder it will crash

Lots of Love
Lisa Viour

DREAM : 1 Jan 2014

We were at sunway lagoon with our friends. I havent eat the whole day. I was with my friends and you were with your friends. We were at the deep pool part. Where I couldnt reach my feet. I was walking on the bridge on top of the pool when suddenly I felt week and fell of the bridge into the pool.

I was shock that I couldn't breath. When I tried to swim, my leg got cramp.

You just look at me.

All of our friends was panicking about me when they didn't see me floating. Maybe you're not worried since I'm a swimmer myself.

I was gasping for air. I tried to move my leg but it hurt so bad. Slowly I drown, my eyes almost close and you wasn't even looking at me.

The pool was as deep as a huge water tank. No one dare to swim there. They just dare to hang out on the bridge. And most importantly you dont dare to save me.

I heard splash. I felt someone pull me back up to the water surface. I thought it was you.

But

When I open my eyes, it was someone else. A guy, that was good looking and my type.

I looked for you in my weak condition, I saw you slowly walk to the other place leaving me there.

When I felt a bit better, I walk towards you when I suddenly fell again.

And again you just look at me.

You thought I was fooling around when I was really drowning. That guy save me again. Pull me up to the air and put me down to rest and catch a breath.

When I was already calm, he hold my shoulder and walk me to the area. He make sure I wont fall again. When I was already safe. He left me. He make sure I'm safe before he leave me.

I feel safe around him but I feel very insecure around you.

And you just leave me to die drowning in the water.

****** wake up ******

Lots of Love
Lisa Viour