HEART : Dying inside

I never wish for me to fall for you, but as each day passes by I do realize my feelings do grow for you but the question is how deep is it?

I've become very sensitive to your words. The way you talk to me never offended me before but I do get offended now. I cry alone to my sleep when your words slice me like a sword without you knowing it. I try to express my feelings to you, i try to express how offended i felt but the words never come out of my mouth.

I bit my lip when i accidentally saw your text with your fiance. Look away when I saw you said you miss her when you never once say you miss me to me. I look away realizing i'm in no place to feel what i felt. But i try my very best to comfort you. Make you happy as hard as I could. Knowing you lied to me, hurt me. Yet I still go back to you.

I tried hanging out with our friends without you, but it never feel the same. With you, even no word come out of our mouth I still feel comfortable. I still feel happy.

I enjoy your company, I enjoy your comfort.

But as each day passes by, I do realize how distance you are from me. As my feelings grow for you, so does your distance with me. I no longer hear you call me love. You no longer protect me like you did last time.

I feel like the time is approaching. Maybe even faster than I expected. I want to confront you and ask. But I'm scared you will leave me on that exact moment.

I've opened up to you, and you makes me feel like I opened up to the wrong person.

Im so addicted to you, and I can't help it.

Lots of Love
Lisa Viour

HEART : love vs comfort

Im in love with someone else's fiancee.

It's bad and it's wrong.

I am totally aware about it, but i can't do much about it.

Loving someone with an expire date. Fully aware of the upcoming expire date but unsure of when could kill you in an instance.

Giving all of me realizing I will be the one to be left out hurts on your big day. It hurts the entire time we're together but I am too addicted to you that I am willing to adapt to the pain you give me just to be around you. Sucking in everything when you talked about her and your big day preparation. Listening to how hard you work to prepare you big day, seeing you text her everyday even when we're together yet I still look forward to meeting you everyday, have dinner with you, occasionally we go and catch movie together. Putting myself in your fiancee's shoes subconsciously didn't do much help either. Pulling me deeper to the hole I dug myself. As the time approaching, the holes get deeper and darker yet I still can see the light when i'm around you.  Depending too much to your presence make me realized how lost can I be when you're not around.

How am I going to find my way when you're gone? How am I gonna survive when your big day come. But the most important question, how can I move on after your big day?

Lots of Love
Lisa Viour