HEART : Chain Reaction

Ive done too many mistakes in my life and I cant seem to break the chain reaction. I do not wish to correct my mistakes. All I want is for me to start making the right decisions and I cant make my one and only decisions I wish I made from the start because im not ready. The things that have been holding me back have took it tolls on me for too long and I do not wish to go on like this. All I want to do is set my life in a right path again and I cant seem to start doing so.  I dont know if I wait for a longer time, will I be able to let go and move on at all. I wish I didn't know you. I wish I didn't start replying you and I wish I didnt make all the stupid mistakes I've made with you because I wont be facing what I'm facing now if it wasn't because of our breakup. My life turns upside down and I cant seem to put it back on track. I cant understand how and why we broke up on the first place. I dont understand why and how you can moved on so fast and im still stuck in my own emotions and thought. In my own bubble fills with our sweet bitter memories. All I want is for me to go back to the place I love the most but with you being there, with our memories being there, I cant. I tried my best to start anew and just forget all the things we've been through but I didnt seem to work. Ive thought of getting back together with you a million times. Never a day of life went through without the thought of us getting back together not in my mind. But the question is, would you want to get back together with me. You wouldnt understand how hard my life have been since the day we broke up. You wouldnt understand how badly I want to run away from here and leave all the thoughts behind and start anew in a foreign city, people and just start anew as us NEVER happen. But every plans ive made never workout instead without my will I keep on going back to the point I started. No matter how hard I tried, it never workout. Why does it have to be so hard on me and so easy for you. This is not fair at all. I gave my all and I got a very shitty chain to the things ive done previously and I cant seem to break the chain at all. Am I the only one who feel this or youre feeling the same way as I do? I doubt you feel the same way as I do. I doubt you have the same thought as I do. Because from the start, im the only one who always wish you to be mine again.

Lots of Love
Lisa Viour